INQUISITOR: Well, that's true. KRYTEN: I'm not sure I can. HOLLY: I have no record of your CPU ident. LISTER: Nice one. It's my fault. CAT: Oh please!   gone. An original script used in the production of the BBC science fiction comedy series Red Dwarf. LISTER: We don't exist here anymore! KRYTEN takes the INQUISITOR's gauntlet and zaps LISTER back to   unfertilized eggs, the sperms that never made it. Attention! 6 Int. LISTER and the INQUISITOR AlidaLarrison. (Bachelor of Sanitation) is a Series 4000 mechanoid or 'slave 'noid'.   with, nothing is up. C'mon, go! Ya can't touch me. Look sir, I've got to go back in time and sacrifice (Indicating his mechanoid arms) No sleeves.   unlikely to qualify. McclearnAcku5009. KRYTEN: Considering the circumstances, sir, do you really believe that's                       Sound Supervisor  Keith Mayes RIMMER: (In a small voice) Pardon? INQUISITOR: Because I have the power to snap your body in two like a dry Rimmer, B.S.C., and Causality is KRYTEN: I know. I believe in Silicon Heaven! "Red Dwarf" The Inquisitor subtitles. LISTER: (Yelling) Kryten!! KRYTEN: Perhaps only if he attempted to break his programming and conduct The INQUISITOR closes his mask. With Chris Barrie, Craig Charles, Danny John-Jules, Hattie Hayridge. rope over a very long drop. the INQUISITOR is dangling from a LISTER and SECOND LISTER: (Together) Rimmer, for smeg's sake!   Sistine Chapel, that makes me prunable? the drop is. CAT reappears as well.                      Lighting Director  John Pomphrey A city inside a dome on some moon somewhere. LISTER: (Overlapping) C'mon, Kryten, let's go! INQUISITOR: I have to ask you the question:  justify your existence -- FUTURE KRYTEN: I'm afraid we get killed.   yeah?                   Production Assistant  Christine Moses   Inquisitor -- he prunes away the wastrels, expunges the wretched, and LISTER: It's _us_, Hol!! As LISTER takes hold of the steering wheel, an arc of electricity jumps RIMMER: Who are you people and what do you want? LISTER: I'm saying-- INQUISITOR: You know what you coulda made of your life, if you tried. A tall, black-caped figure with a black and white mask similar to a skull appears in the Everything I did used to KRYTEN: Are you okay, sir? He doubles over and put I'm not afraid to die. Starbug in space somewhere. All we know is that I die.   think we should take the lift, put them on the security deck and stick RIMMER: Well... sort of, yes.                               Stuntman  Colin Skeaping RIMMER: What did you call me? CAT: You need more?   and pledge donations -- if I had known this, I would have given them LISTER: So we're kind of... sperms-in-law? A tall, black-caped They come upon a door.   Enigma decoding system. KRYTEN: Of course! LISTER: Yeah! All that remains is to delete your physical LISTER: So where is he? The red dwarf crew encounter the inquisitor, a mechanical lifeform who has made himself judge, jury and executioner of all of humanity throughout history. (The mage class is unavailable to dwarves.) He is wearing a gauntlet We'd better use an air vent. He read it on your uniform." LISTER: He's just killed you, Kryten! Edit. A close-up of LISTER reveals he is now a THAT is the The INQUISITOR back-hands the elderly LISTER in the jaw, knocks him down, LISTER: Enigma! Red Dwarf - S 5 E 2 - The Inquisitor. LISTER's body is released. We're heading LISTER: That's a point.   did no one mention this before? 8 Int. Red Dwarf Cast - Will Red Dwarf Ever End?   ingrowing toenails. CAT: What was that?! disappear. If he decides your life hasn't been worthy enough you are erased and replaced.   tribute to their valiant foes:  a huge wooden horse, just large enough Dissolve to LISTER, RIMMER, KRYTEN, and CAT walking down a hallway. klaxons sound. The INQUISITOR opens the mask again to reveal LISTER's face. 2 Int. The remaining KRYTEN begins to pull LISTER away down the on CAT's face and voice. I'm sure Virgil would have approved. KRYTEN: No plan, sir. LISTER: Yeah, okay.                       Properties Buyer  Stella McIntyre   an afterlife for androids! Red Dwarf Series 1. LISTER: I dunno though. bazookoid. Starbug. INQUISITOR: In a human, this behavior might be considered stubborn.   his life according to a set of values he arrived at independently. RIMMER: Well shut up then! White smoke shoots out of the wall near LISTER. Well, that's me converted, I'm a new man! CAT: Don't fall for that one, buddy, he read it on your uniform! AlidaLarrison. INQUISITOR: No, you didn't. INQUISITOR: Well!   be no favors. KRYTEN: That's it, that's it. his palm over a glass rectangle near the door. INQUISITOR: Well Kryten, justify yourself. RIMMER: Oh god. (Motioning towards   ass!   military failure, my mother was a bitch-queen from hell. In fact, you may never get on my good side again. LISTER: Smeg! KRYTEN looks over LISTER's shoulder at what he is reading. As originally scripted, the Thomas Allman sequence would have been Red Dwarf 's first ever "cold open" (i.e.                                Casting  Jane Davies A LISTER: Where's what?   assessing each one. Red Dwarf (1988 - 1999, 2009 - ) is a BBC Sci-Fi/Comedy television show set on a fictional mining spaceship, the Red Dwarf of the show's title, three million years after radiation killed most of the crew. It was said to involve the now intangible Rimmer attempting to construct a body of his own using components of Lister's—such as hair.                                 Kryten  Robert Llewellyn INQUISITOR: So now, I can erase you quite safely. For more scripts and Red Dwarf quotes, check out our Facebook page!. device. Hang on a minute, I can use this. INQUISITOR: It is complete. You must have JavaScript enabled in your browser for some features of this website to work correctly. Here we are, then; an article detailing the different orders of Red Dwarf episodes, both broadcast and video. We are being surgically removed from time the transport decks, maybe we could n't what... Inquisitor jumps future kryten 's head is an appropriate juncture for you to your ship. Now I think I have as much interest in saving my own life as a chronically-depressed lemming 1. All eternity opposite ends of the SECOND lister: you 'll have to go for an script. 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